Dark World

Heyya guys!
Yer my dad rites loads of stories and i luv to aswell.
He's read them and thinks they're good and so do my friends. They say i should try and get them published. I want 2 know what you lot think! But I cant show you the whole thing for some weird reason! So can you please read the extracts and tell me what you think?
thanks!

Dark World - Hunters

“He went left!” Cried Charlie over the roar of the engine. I flung my bike round the corner. And then I could see him again. His red tail lights glowing like eyes. I revved the engine, urging it to go faster.
It obeyed. I was speeding away from the group. Gaining ground on the glowing eyes. But then someone was beside me again.
I flicked my eyes to my left. Jay had caught up. He grinned at me.
“I promised Harry to stick with you tonight. Otherwise we’ll lose the others again.” He shouted. I rolled my eyes. It’s not my fault they can’t keep up. The daemon is faster than most of us. At least one of us need to catch him.
“Fine, just keep up.” I yelled back and I heard his laugh as I gave my bike all it’s got. We were right on his tail now. Just a little faster.
But then he spun round another corner and onto the main round. I heard Jay swear. We were now on a busy mundie street.

Dark World - Hunters

She stared back at me with the same silver eyes. She was so different, but still just the same. I felt the warmth spreading through my body. She looked at me with confusion written all over her face. Then I saw her necklace. She still wore it.
The boy next to her gave her a nudge and she turned to look at him. I wish I could hear her voice. They both turned to look back at us. But this time there was hatred in her eyes. It cut like a knife. The rest of their group was looking now. Each pair of eyes showing hatred. All but one. A boy with short blonde hair looked at us with confusion.
“Ah, well aren’t we lucky.” Emzie laughed. “The Herts have let their kids out.” She was looking at them too now. So she knew the Herts. But their was nothing friendly in her voice. “Why don’t we go say hello.” She turned to me. “I’m sure dying to meet our little friends Ash.” I didn’t take my eyes of them. We made our way over to them.

DDark world - Hunters

He was looking right at me. I gazed back. Looking into his jewelled eyes. I could see my face reflected in them. He slowly moved forward, not taking his eyes away from mine. I could feel his happiness, see his thoughts. But then I remembered myself and stepped back letting go of the book. I shook my head slightly to side to side.